need to simmer down

I need to go to sleep so I can wake up and be at work in a couple of hours, again, but I just have too much anger boiler over. And no one needs a pressure cooker going off in the middle of the work day. That special lunch might end up being special for a whole different reason entirely.

So let me share some things that aren't aggravating:
http://www.billycorgan.com
http://www.myspace.com/billycorgan
be sure to check out his confessions. Some of the most interesting real life reads you can get. If I had myspace I know I would want Billy to be my friend. I love the style he has his confessions in, and that he is bold enough to put them right out there to the world. I just my sit down and read all of them. I read maybe 4 or 5, and...well, just check it out for yourself.

brimful of anger

I just feel like raging out! I was at work today a around 8, I just got home around 12:3o AM. My weekend was a disapointment. I am extremely frustrated. I am going to have to work another Thanksgiving Friday! I feel so miserable. What would make me happy would be a good co-op game of Operation Flashpoint, but if I hop onto Xbox Live right now, no way will I get enough sleep to function at work. And I really need to function there, its crunch time, and I feel the crunch. But I feel like I am the only one who feels it.

I feel like such an outsider in my own department. Physically, everyone else is all lined up, I am off to the side. Background as well; they are all friends that go way back, share interests, stories, language, jokes. The also seem to have entered their work much quicker, even though Vicky is newer than me. I feel like I am failing myself. I even feel like I am making Stephen look bad. And I can't even enjoy myself after work because I can't make time to play my games because I am doing something with Erika or something else. I feel so increadibly unhappy right now. I can't even enjoy a good jerking off, COME ON! you know there is a problem if I can't enjoy a good jerk off!

I could have really used that 4 day weekend. To sleep in for 4 days, and spend 4 days playing video games and maybe go out with Erika at night. That would have been a great holiday weekend for me. I would have felt good after that, I'm sure of it. But I'm not going to have that. I am going to have to come in on Friday. And unlike last year, it wont be an adventure, just all day data entry. I don't want to do anything after work. So all I end up doing IS work. Now I know what happened to my parents. And I would love to sit in front of my monitor and play my video games, but I also want to spend time with Erika when she actually has that rare free time. But I usually end up just in her back ground, watching her TV, that I am not really interested in and I have to beg to watch something I can even slightly enjoy.

Just a couple more weeks of cruch time...

Local News In Your Neighborhood Is Rarely A Good Thing

I was driving around Erika's block after work, I see a fire truck, I get worried I am going to get boxed in or later to Erika's for dinner, I am relieved to see him stop and not turn my way. I make a right turn and see a pulled over Police car. Which is not out of the usual since the Police Station is 1 block away. But as I pass by, to my left I see and older man, laying flat on his back and his little rolling suite case next to him. I see officers standing around, and a teenager. By the time I park and walk back up the block and around the corner toward Erika's lobby, the street is blocked off by more cop cars, that fire truck and an ambulance.

When I originally saw the man, I was sure he was dead since no one was helping him. When I was walking back I was relieved to see that the EMTs brought out one of those restraining gurnies and the rolling cussioned one. I was expecting a body bag if he was dead. I asked a woman who was standing and watching about what happened, but she was too fixated on finding out if the victim was Russian or not. And it wasn't a case of 'was it one of ours' because she was clearly American. When I told my folks about this, my father was also concerned if he was Russian or not. Although he seemed to be curious from more of an entertainment angle, because as per him, if he was Russian, the Russian radio would be talking about it all day tomorrow.

According to the 11 o'clock news, this was the guy's 2nd attack. He didn't live through. He owned 3 apartments in the co-op across the street from Erika, right where he was murdered. I am guessing her owed the wrong people some money, they tried to send him a messege in the first attack, he didn't get it, so they killed him. It didn't seem like his things were stolen, just stab wounds to his neck, arm and chest. Sounds like he his attacker meant to kill him. According to the news report, the neighborhood is Rego Park. Which is wrong, but wrong on purpose? Maybe they are trying to preserve property values? Forest Hills isn't that amazing you know, during the summer or spring some of these damn punk HS kids were shooting up the street from me. Maybe channel 4 got it right, it was channel 2 that got it wrong. When I was leaving Erika's house they channel 4 van was packing up and leaving.

On a lighter note of local news not really presenting accurate pictures "and tonight in midtown, umbrellas are the accessory of choice" and it shows in the foreground about 2 people with umbrellas and 4 with out.

OK, someone on the East Coast just got their hands on a Xbox 360. I have a feeling Stephen wont get his hands on one for a while. If people have been lined up to get a console at stores that didn't sell pre-orders since 8AM today, I don't think Stephen will get one no matter how early he gets there today. Especially if only the first 30 to 80 customers can get one!