What is a friend really?
A little about me; I am an iconoclast, and I tend to focus on details. So for me the title of 'friend' is different from 'buddy' or a 'best friend' or a 'girl friend.' Each one of these has a functional definition that is similar but fundamentally different from the other.
My 'buddies' are people I do know, and generally like (as opposed to 'acquaintances' who I don't really know and don't necissarily like, I just happened to have met them and am aware of their existance). But buddies typically don't know me that well and I don't know them that well. Buddies tend to be situation specific. Going through school I am sure we all had buddies; people we would joke around with in school and talk about certain topics, but we wouldn't really hang out with them out side of school and if you tried you would usually find out its pretty hard. The situation creates the relationship, a relationship that would otherwise not exist. Same would go for work, or a dog park, or forum, whatever the situation or locality, but it is limited to that. If you graduated, or stopped going to the forum or park, or left the job, chances are you buddies will fade into memorry.
My 'friends' are people I know well. I keep in touch with them over the years, either by internet or phone or real world meetings. We can do all kinds of stuff with each other, and ask each other for favors or to borrow things and not worry about ever being compinsated for doing that. As you grow older, you don't have as much time and energy to committ to your friends, and thats understandable. As long as we stay in touch and know whats going on with each other and once in a while meet to do something, I consider us friends. It is possible for friendships to fade and move into the 'buddy' category when you fall into a niche where you only meet for one thing, or only communicate in one mode and thats all you do. Its part of growing apart. While I can group my buddies into categories, my friends are much more specific. Because I know my friends more intimately, I have different expectations specific to the personality of each friend. I don't expect all my friends to act the same way or understand things the way I do, its just a fundamental life fact, that people are different, and in dealing with people, you have to do it differently. Its not their fault that they aren’t the friend you want them to be; it is their personality, and if you find it so disagreeable, then you should cut off the friendship, or let it fade into a lesser one, like a buddy.
The requirements for a ‘best friend’ are very steep. I expect a deeper understanding form my best friend than I do from any of my other friends. I expect that my best friend will try their damndest to help me when I need it. My best friends usually know very intimate details about me, and I expect them to keep those secret. When someone asks my best friend about me, they should be able to tell them a synopsis of my situation, because they know me and what is up with me. At this moment I don't feel I have a best friend. I do have really close friends.
I see friendship along the lines of a spectrum. And the divides only exist to be benchmarks to give you an idea of where you are. Someone can be between a best friend and a friend, I would call them a 'close friend' if I had to classify it. My close friends would know my intimate details to varying degrees. I do expect alot from them, but not as much as a best friend. We may know alot about each other and get along really well, and maybe even see each other pretty often, but not necissarily. I believe you can have a close friend who you don't see often, but do share a close bond and a deaper understanding when you do see each other. Maybe if you did see that person more often, that person could be considered a best friend. Or maybe what is keeping them from being a best friend is that they are unreliable (you can't expect them to make it on time or do the appropriate thing or be able to do that favor you need done) but they can still be a confidant and a blast to have around.
Now your girl friend (read 'significant other') is more than a best friend, but not by a lot. Your girl friend should know you most intimately, and be by your side when you are facing off with someone else. Turst should never be an issue with your partner (when I say trust, I am not refering to the type that involves 'what you don't trust me to keep this from falling on you even though I am really weak and this is really heavy,' no, not that kind of ad hoc trust, but of a more fundamental variety, like being able to trust your partner to never hurt you intentionaly, and keep your secrets secret, and that their heart and loyalty lays in you and no one else no matter what). Of course, you have sex with your girl friend (if your lucky, with other people as well).
Some people would disagree with me and have a more simplistic view of friendship. Others might just say, who cares why other qualifying relationships. Well, I learned through the scientific method, so qualifying and classifying is very important to me, and I find it easier to understand the world when you do. You don't have to agree. This is my blog. (I might alter some of these details with further introspection)
My 'buddies' are people I do know, and generally like (as opposed to 'acquaintances' who I don't really know and don't necissarily like, I just happened to have met them and am aware of their existance). But buddies typically don't know me that well and I don't know them that well. Buddies tend to be situation specific. Going through school I am sure we all had buddies; people we would joke around with in school and talk about certain topics, but we wouldn't really hang out with them out side of school and if you tried you would usually find out its pretty hard. The situation creates the relationship, a relationship that would otherwise not exist. Same would go for work, or a dog park, or forum, whatever the situation or locality, but it is limited to that. If you graduated, or stopped going to the forum or park, or left the job, chances are you buddies will fade into memorry.
My 'friends' are people I know well. I keep in touch with them over the years, either by internet or phone or real world meetings. We can do all kinds of stuff with each other, and ask each other for favors or to borrow things and not worry about ever being compinsated for doing that. As you grow older, you don't have as much time and energy to committ to your friends, and thats understandable. As long as we stay in touch and know whats going on with each other and once in a while meet to do something, I consider us friends. It is possible for friendships to fade and move into the 'buddy' category when you fall into a niche where you only meet for one thing, or only communicate in one mode and thats all you do. Its part of growing apart. While I can group my buddies into categories, my friends are much more specific. Because I know my friends more intimately, I have different expectations specific to the personality of each friend. I don't expect all my friends to act the same way or understand things the way I do, its just a fundamental life fact, that people are different, and in dealing with people, you have to do it differently. Its not their fault that they aren’t the friend you want them to be; it is their personality, and if you find it so disagreeable, then you should cut off the friendship, or let it fade into a lesser one, like a buddy.
The requirements for a ‘best friend’ are very steep. I expect a deeper understanding form my best friend than I do from any of my other friends. I expect that my best friend will try their damndest to help me when I need it. My best friends usually know very intimate details about me, and I expect them to keep those secret. When someone asks my best friend about me, they should be able to tell them a synopsis of my situation, because they know me and what is up with me. At this moment I don't feel I have a best friend. I do have really close friends.
I see friendship along the lines of a spectrum. And the divides only exist to be benchmarks to give you an idea of where you are. Someone can be between a best friend and a friend, I would call them a 'close friend' if I had to classify it. My close friends would know my intimate details to varying degrees. I do expect alot from them, but not as much as a best friend. We may know alot about each other and get along really well, and maybe even see each other pretty often, but not necissarily. I believe you can have a close friend who you don't see often, but do share a close bond and a deaper understanding when you do see each other. Maybe if you did see that person more often, that person could be considered a best friend. Or maybe what is keeping them from being a best friend is that they are unreliable (you can't expect them to make it on time or do the appropriate thing or be able to do that favor you need done) but they can still be a confidant and a blast to have around.
Now your girl friend (read 'significant other') is more than a best friend, but not by a lot. Your girl friend should know you most intimately, and be by your side when you are facing off with someone else. Turst should never be an issue with your partner (when I say trust, I am not refering to the type that involves 'what you don't trust me to keep this from falling on you even though I am really weak and this is really heavy,' no, not that kind of ad hoc trust, but of a more fundamental variety, like being able to trust your partner to never hurt you intentionaly, and keep your secrets secret, and that their heart and loyalty lays in you and no one else no matter what). Of course, you have sex with your girl friend (if your lucky, with other people as well).
Some people would disagree with me and have a more simplistic view of friendship. Others might just say, who cares why other qualifying relationships. Well, I learned through the scientific method, so qualifying and classifying is very important to me, and I find it easier to understand the world when you do. You don't have to agree. This is my blog. (I might alter some of these details with further introspection)
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