Friday, June 03, 2005

Graduation, in more than one way

yesterday was my graduaction ceremony. My mom and Erika were freezing, I was nice and comfortable. I sat next to Richard, so I had someone I could exchange comments with about the stupid ceremony. I was really getting tired of applauding myself. Most of the ceremony was dedicated to Goodman, Schafer and a 3rd guy. They were QC students who went down to The South to help blacks register to vote, and they were killed by the KKK, and of course, the case was left unsolved and is only reopened now and they are trying to prosecute. I remember reading about these guys on a plaque in the library. Chuck Schumer and Anthony Wiener were among the guest speakers. Schumer was talking about how his gift to us was trying to pass a bill that would make college tuition and book fees tax deductible for people making under $200K a year, and if you make more than that, than god bless you. Wiener's gift was to make the speach short, and after he told us this, people hooted and hollered in appause. The sun came out 2/3 through the ceremony and I was getting hot, even though we were actually under the trees, but Erika and my mom were still freezing. The ceremony for the psychology department was much nicer, and Erika didn't catch any of it. There were anictdots and surprise dedications, and I saw many more recongnizable faces, like Jessica Ruperta's super sexy face, she finished with High Honors. I liked being able to see familiar faces and it just felt better. Mike wasn't there, and he told me his folks were coming down especially from Rhoad Island to see him for this. Hope he is alright. Afterwards my mom and I went to eat at Mambo Tango (or is it Tango Mambo), an Argintinian steak restaurant, and their food was delicious, full meal came to $79 before tips and it was worth it (I didn't pay, but if I did I would say it was worth it). That day was also my mom's graduation ceremony, she didn't bother attending hers. She has graduated many times. It was nice weather and I walked home, my mom had to drive to Brooklyn. I came home and then Erika got back from her internship and we went to buy her mom's bday gift. Then we got back to my place.

We finally had REAL sex. We have had sex before, but it was with a condom, or if it wasn't with a condom it wasn't to completion. So we did it raw and to completion, and it felt so 'F'ing good. It was awesome, how better to describe it than awesome. Thank you birth control, finally, and I feel


(wait for it)


(wait for it)


(.........)

(wait for it)


Terrible, yes, I feel terrible. The sex WAS awesome, but then she gets all anxious about all the possibilities that can go wrong and all these improbable things that make her so anxious that she kept wanting to vomit all night and it made me pissed off because she even admits that these things she fears are improbable, but she is still having these feelings. Those of you reading this are probably not even grasping what I mean, because its not like "oh no, what if..." in slightly worried or matter-of-fact way, its a very anxious and fearful state, probably just short of a panic attack. Her frustration over this is making me frustrated. Everything was done accordingly and nothing should go wrong. I really wish I could get into detail about this, but I probably shouldn't.

I'm in the office, Dave Mathews Band is playing off my player, and I feel unpretty. Thats my current state.

Apparently I am going out tonight. Stephen, 'Victor,' Sinan, Erika and Possibly Jen & Joe will be going out. Either to Off the Wagon or Fat Black Pussy Cat.

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